User Story #2766

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DS S was a scary SOB. Must have been 6’8″ our only Infantry DS and built like a shit brickhouse. DS S had one rule. “If I told you, you can do it, then you can do it.” As stupid privates do, we decided to test this theory during the FTX in Blue phase.

DS S told us on the first day of the FTX “If you can steal it from another platoon you can use it.” Industrious privates that we were we spent 5 days stealing MRE heaters and the 1/2 hot sauce bottles. As we are cutting the packets open and pouring the heating element powder into an MRE bag and the hot sauce into a canteen cup, one private runs up and sais “Hey guys I stole this from 4th platoon’s DS!” and produces a CS gas grenade. We were able to fill half an MRE bag with heating element powder plus the CS gas grenade.

By now you can see where this is heading. Well remember I said we were stupid privates. We took this improvised weapon of chaos and proceeded to throw it into the DS tent used by every DS in the company.

As the 20 or so choking and gasping DS’s come stumbling out of the tent in their underwear the muffled chuckles and laughs of privates aroused their natural blood thirsty demeanor, when behold DS S comes walking out of the gas filled DS tent completely unfazed by the chemical haze straight at us.

DS S called us all together into a formation. We knew we were fucked. This was truly one of the scariest NCOs I have ever known in 10 years of military service. DS S announced “Who the fuck is responsible for this?” Someone replied “DS you told us we could use whatever we could steal.” DS S turned around and consulted with the FSG. He turned back around and faced us and said “Yes I did, carry on.” Then he walked back into his tent without another word.

I cannot to this day believe that we actually got away with shit.

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