User Story #3114

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No sh*t, there I was. About week 5 of basic, 1995, so a good number of the idiots had already been pushed out. We had one DS that, while not the SDS, was the one that you did NOT want to f*ck with you or smoke you, because he was the one that just MIGHT kill you. We were sitting around the desk for mail call when DS D comes out of the office. He looks over our platoon and then looks right at me.

DS D: Pvt C, get your ass into the office! Now !

I get my ass up and moving on the double, my battle buddy jumping up as well. The minute he saw my battle standing up, he yells, “F*ck that shit, your battle buddy doesn’t need to come, just get your lazy ass into my office!” The SDS who was doing mail call, just shrugged and looked at me, not saying a word so my battle sat back down and I double-timed it into the office.

DS D was sitting by the open window smoking a cigarette and looked at me when I came in, not saying anything except for “Shut that f*cking door behind you.”

I shut the door and immediately went to parade rest, knowing that my life was about to be over, and not even having a CLUE what I had done to deserve this. After DS D finished his smoke he looked over at me. “Well, PVT C, how good of an actor are you? You think you can fool the whole platoon?”

Not even thinking about it. “Hell yes, DS, I can fool anyone. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it as long as you let me out of here alive.”

One of those wonderful looks came across his face, all of us know the one that a DS gets when he’s about to have fun at someone else’s expense.

“Ok PVT C. I want you to run out of here as fast as you can. Screaming bloody murder, and if I manage to catch you before you get to the other end of the bay, it may just be murder. If anyone asks what happened in here, I want you to make them believe that you can’t say anything about it, or you’ll die…..got it?”

I just swallowed hard and nodded. I turned and threw open the door, running my ass off screaming the whole way across the bay. “F*ck, I’m sorry DS…I’m sorry, I’ll never do something like that again…F*uuuuuucccckkkkk.”

The SDS came up out of his chair as I’m hauling ass across the bay, but sits back down as I hear the door slam shut behind me. I make it to the end of the bay, turn around and don’t see any sign of DS D, just my whole platoon looking at me and the SDS turning about as white as the floor of the bay. I make my way back to the mail call circle and sit down, not saying anything to anyone for the rest of the day.

A few weeks later, we’re out on our FTX, and one of the DS from the other platoons comes up and looks at my nametag. “PVT C, are you the one that DS D hung out the window of his office by your heals?” I blink a few times and then happen to catch a glimpse of DS D standing a bit away, but obviously hearing what is being said. I look the other DS right in his eyes and shrug. “I can neither confirm nor deny that rumor, DS.” The DS turns and looks back over at DS D. “Man….you really are a crazy f*cker aren’t you….”

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