User Story #3454

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It seems like there is always that one f*cking private that thinks he knows everything and one f*cking private that resembles a fat marshmallow. Our company know-it-all was named PVT G, and I was the fat-ass PVT D. I met PVT G at the 43rd Reception BN in OCT 2010 as we where waiting for a 12B (combat engineer) OSUT unit. He claimed his dad was a CSM in Bragg and as such he knew all about the Army and how to beat the system. So no sh*t there we are, brand new trainees at the 43rd reception battalion. We have our shots, our Army sh*t and absolutely no f*cking clue what the hell we are in for. Our DS’s come to pick us up in the infamous cattle cars, and in walks DS S… He is not that imposing of a figure, maybe 5ft 8in and a 165lbs.

Alpha Outpost Knife PhotoHe has his ranger tab and sapper tab and the most intense hatred in his eyes that I had ever seen in the gaze of a human being. Only once did I hear him yelling and screaming, but more often than not a quite whispered, “what the f*ck are you looking at private?” had me convinced that this individual would happily rape the sh*t out of my soul and sleep well afterwards. He quietly informs us that his name is DS S and if any of us, “waste of an orgasm” I believe was the term he used, so much as thought about quitting now was the time to let him know. He stood in the doorway of the cattle car and as we are leaving the 43rd he quietly says, “put your f*cking face in the bag and start singing the Army song.”

We begin to sing as loudly as you possibly can when screaming through your TA50 until we get to our company area. DS S then informs us we have “30 G*ddamn seconds” to get off his cattle car and god help you if you forgot anything. PVT G is the first one off and I am right behind him. There are DS’s everywhere and at that moment I knew I had f*cked up. We are trying to keep up with the DS’s orders, getting smoked and getting screamed at all at the same time. Eventually we are in our squares and laying out all our shit. All of our arms are shaking and as the resident fat body I was covered in sweat and dirt. Each item was called out and shaking arms and as you held it up and you pray that you do not draw attention to yourself.

As we are finishing our layout and packing our sh*t this high speed dickwad (PVT G) gets finished before everyone else and as I am laying my shit out I see DS S step up to PVT G.

DS S “What in the ever-living f*ck are you doing PVT?”
PVT G “I am finished DS”
DS S “Oh is that so, so why in the f*ck are you standing here with your dick in the wind and not helping your battle buddies?”
PVT G “I was not told to DS”
DS S “I’m telling you to high speed. Get the f*ck over there and help your battle buddies.”

As DS S starts walking away PVT G turns to me and rolls his eyes…..

To this day I do not know how DS S saw that eyeroll… He was walking away from our square and had his back to us. However I know for a fact the neither PVT G nor I will never forget that exact moment.
DS S explodes into this PVT while simultaneously beating him in the face with the brim of his hat “WHAT THE F*CK WAS THAT!!!” “DID YOU JUST ROLL YOUR EYES?” WHO IN THE NAME OF GOD DO YOU THINK YOU ARE PRIVATE?” ” OH F*CK NO!!!” “HELL THE F*CK NO I DID NOT COME THIS FAR IN THE ARMY TO HAVE SOME F*CKING WASTE OF SEMEN ROLL IS F*CKING EYES AT ME.” “GET THE F*CK DOWN.” “START F*CKING PUSHING.”

As PVT G is knocking out push ups DS S is waging a visible battle to not kill this PVT. Eventually DS S regains his composure and squats down next to PVT G

DS S in that f*cking whisper “Guess what Hero, you just f*cked up. Your ass is mine. For the next 21 weeks I am gonna make sure you are so f*cking squared away that you won’t have the energy to look at a DS. From here on out every f*cking time you see me your going to smoke yourself. If you need to move you will lunge. If you are standing you will do push ups until your arms give out. When your arms give out you will do sit ups and flutter kicks till you puke. I am going to PT you to death private. I am going to f*ck your world up, you are going to be so g*ddamn tired that you won’t have the energy to move your eyes much less roll them. If you ever so much as look sideways at me again your eyes are mine. I will f*cking pull them right out of your fat f*cking face. Do you understand me PVT G?”

PVT G is visibly shaking in terror. It is so bad you can almost smell the fear in the air. “Yes DS.”
DS S turns to me and with a look hatred/satisfaction says, “Guess what fat body?”
I don’t say anything I am to afraid to speak.
DS S “Hey private, I’m f*cking talking to you…”
PVT D “Yes DS?”
DS S “He is gonna need a battle buddy, and your it. You will do the exact same thing as PVT G until you can see your toes without moving your fat rolls.”
PVT D “Yes DS”

And that is how I lost 65lbs in OSUT at FT Leonardwood.

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