User Story #3464

534 Points

Alright, f*cksticks… gather ’round. Fall of 2000, and Private F was the most weak, f*cked up troop imaginable. Shipped to basic out of shape. Spent weeks at reception prior to going to his Battalion because his arms were like spaghetti noodles. Abysmal shape, couldn’t do pushups, couldn’t climb the rope. The motherf*cker could run, which was about all the Drill Sergeants could say for him.

“Private , I’m f*ckin glad you can run… about the only thing you’ll be able to do in combat is break contact.”

He wouldn’t give up, which is about his only redeeming quality. Fast forward toward the end of the cycle. It’s this guy’s birthday. Previous day had been hard on this weakling, who even by then was still not meeting the standard on PT, and he was on KP that morning. Apparently he decided to slip into the freezer and have some cake and ice cream.

DS P was a maniac, and he was the one the platoon was truly terrified of. He noticed Private F missing, and went lookin. He entered the freezer only to find this private sitting there, handful of cake in one hand, handful of ice cream in the other. Caught in the act.

“Private, what the f*ck are you doing.”

Frantically, this kid looked for a response. Best he could come up with was “It’s my birthday, Drill Sergeant”

From then until the end of the cycle, every time DS P saw him, it was “PUSH, BIRTHDAY BOY”. He got smoked every time DS P saw him until the end of the cycle.

It worked, though. Final PT test came around and he passed with a healthy margin.

That private never forgot the extra attention and time those drill sergeants put into making sure his weak ass was meeting the standard. Years later, that private would deploy, become an NCO, and become a DS himself.

“Turning blue” just prior to graduation, Everyone was having their parents, wives, or girlfriends put their blue cords on. Private F insisted on having his drill sergeants do it. He said “None of these people had anything to do with me making it.”

Then DS S smoked the sh*t out of him later for being “all sentimental and sh*t”

That private was me. 16 years later, I’ll always remember the Drill Sergeants that gave enough of a f*ck to make sure I was successful.

One of these days I’ll track them down and thank them.

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