User Story #3944

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During BCT, we had this douche canoe private, I’ll call PVT Bro. PVT Bro used to tell all sorts of wild stories about his life before the army, and the DS caught wind of it. DS S started ‘story time’ where PVT Bro would tell us all about how he rode bulls, had crazy (and improbable) adventures. PVT Bro was also the biggest Blue Falcon that ever Blue Falconed.

He had landed himself on a dead man profile, and could basically only blink in cadence. We were still at a point of frequent mass punishments for every little thing. So he would purposely do sh*t, the rest of us got our asses smoked off, and he stood there…blinking in cadence.

One evening after our daily fuck fuck games, we were in the female bay getting instruction on something or other, PVT Bro excuses himself to use the latrine in the male bay. Some minutes later, PVT Bro comes back holding a soggy sock, with something in it, and puts it on DS S’s desk and tells him that someone has sh*t in a sock and left it in his wall locker. DS S obviously flips the f*ck out about a shit sock being on his desk. He orders PVT Bro to dispose of it, and clean the desk, and asks why his god damn wall locker was not secured.

The males are ordered back to the male bay, where they are smoked until the walls were fucking sweating. No one broke, no one owned up to it, and they thought it was the funniest sh*t (pun intended) and didn’t even care about the smoking. So DS S, orders everyone to lay out their socks, thinking that if someone was missing a sock, then that was the culprit. Lo and behold, PVT Bro was the only one missing a sock.

DS S flipped the f*ck out and PVT Bro was gone shortly after, and all of us believed that he had sh*t in his own sock to get us in trouble. (That was the kind of guy he was)

After graduation, we had a little time and we were all gathered together, and DS S tells us to tell him what we got over on him, no repercussions, because he didn’t give a sh*t about us anymore and we were no longer his problem. After a few stories of hiding smokes/candies/etc, one of the more well liked PVTs, kind of a joker, but not a bad dude raises his hand and (we’ll call him PVT R) PVT R stands up and says DS S, I sh*t in one of PVT Bro’s socks, and left it in his locker. Because f*ck that guy, and calmly sits back down.

DS S stares at him for a few seconds, laughs a little, and says ‘PVT, if I could put you in for a god damn medal, I would.’ He then walks to the office with our other DSs and we can hear him retell the story, another DS comes out laughing so hard he can barely stand, and stumbles out of the bay. We could hear him laughing all the way to the other building.

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